A selfish nature belies an inconsequential man

Your yard isn't worth the excretions that were generously donated to it by those kind-hearted creatures and your accusations are not worth the embitterment you intend to impose upon me. I shall not take offense at your hastily defined criticism but rather "rise above" as they say. The destruction of your yard can only be considered a good thing by those who know you. Only, it is a shame of great magnitude that the detruction was not so complete as to include your dwelling place and one would hope your very self as well. Alas, dreams can come true and I anticipate as copiously today as always your unconditional destruction. Amen and amen.

I know that they are yours, so don't even try to deny it. You thought that I wouldnt notice I guess. But I did. And now you have a huge mess to clean up in my yard! I am sure that you thought it was funny to release all those damned cats in my yard. Maybe you thought that it would be a "cute" joke. But now because of you my yard is covered in oddly colored feces. The smell is horrible (like an old ladys house). So here is what I say to you. Come clean my yard or I am going to set loose a pack of pigions in your yard. Then we'll see what is what. And maybe next time you have a problem with the way that I live my life you can be less of a coward and come talk to me!!!

This situation is not all that complicated if you ask me. To clarify, the situation we are analyzing is thus: Blind man on the floor with urine soaked pants and the child presumably still standing there, was trying to figure out how to process this unprecedented turn of events. And you are walking by. Well I would say that any decent person (aka: you) would go over there and help the blind man up, while comforting the poor emotionally scarred child. Now I realize that it is tempting to just walk on and continue in your urine free shopping experience. But the obligation to a blind urine soaked individual is undeniable. I hope that his answers your question and helps us to further re-solidify out relationship.

I was as perplexed and astonished by your apology as you must be in contemplating this image

As hurt as I have been by your atrocities of yestermoment, I realize that the words you utter hold truth which pierces my soul. Believing your humility to be sincere, I accept your apology and offer my own. Let us rekindle friendship's flame. We'll throw rocks at wasp nests anew and consider life's intricacies from a vantage point neither of us could attain alone. With that in mind, allow me to relate an incident which occured to me earlier this week. I was in the local Wal-Marts when I noticed an apparently blind individual accepting the aid of a seeing-eye dog. A very young child became somewhat exuberant at the sight, ran to the dog and began petting its head and speaking in a loving manner to it. The dog immediately squatted and began to urinate on the floor dangerously near the child's shoes. The child and the dog's owner were both at a disadvantage concerning the taking notice of this event as the child was busy fawning over the dog and the owner was blind. When the dog's owner felt he had allowed the scene to continue quite long enough he began to move toward the breakfast cereals when his step came down upon the puddle left by his otherwise helpful dog and the unfortunate man fell to the floor and soaked up the majority of the urine into his pant leg. Now I ask you, where are my obligations to this situation as a mere passer-by? I eagerly anticipate the insight that only you can provide. Believe me when I say that it matters.

There comes a time when we must let bygones be bygones. A time when we must act our age and let the past lie where it is. That time is now! I am not proud of some of the things that I have said to you, done to you, and had others do to you. So I am sorry. Please consider this my formal apology. With that said I would like to extend to you the olive branch, “come friend, the war is past, for friends at first, are friends at last”.

Wow. You truly are insignificant. I underestimated your insignificance. At one point I believed that all people were important. My belief system has been shaken to the core. You need to change your name to BigZero.

“So apparently you want this to get personal. I could do that too but I choose not to. I could go on about how your personal odor is like that of a thousand monkeys, I could. But that would be childish. I could talk about how you are hairier than Robin Williams on propecia, but I won’t. I could talk about your intelligence being less than that of a roll of toilet paper, but that would just be mean. So instead I am just going to say this. You are a poo poo head!!”

So along with your ability to "quote" "words" you have obtained the ability to rewrite the english language to suit your needs. If anyone should know when enough is enough it's assuredly yourself. You like to talk "Big" but just how "Big" are you? I assert that your eminence is ballyhoo and that if placed in the center of a cage fight arena with Shirley Temple in her prime you'd be flounced thouroughly and indisputably. What's more, your recommendations aren't worth the pixels being used to display them. Here's an idea: realize that there are many (oh so many) people who are far more qualified than you to give advice. Time to buckle down and spoon it up.

Based on what you know? It would seem to me that you know nothing about “it”. The situation doesn’t even involve you. Well it didn’t. But it seems that it does now. I would think that you would have learned by now that you “reap” what you “sow”. So now that you are involved in that which doesn’t involve you I would recommend that you figure out a way to disinvolve yourself once again. So next time you feel inclined to censure why don’t you do us all a favor and just…not!

It's really a shame. I thought you were better than that. Based on what I know about the situation I'd have to rate your behavior as 8 out of 10 on the numbskull scale. I'm the first to admit your faults, but come on. You could at least TRY to make my job difficult. Just forget it.